April 10, 2008

"God is fucking with me," my roommate announced tonight.

Technically I've begun with a digression from my intended topic, but I feel it mildly relevant. She's in the middle of a divorce that her adulterous husband doesn't even have the guts to file for, and being almost instantly introduced post "I'm leaving you" conversation to a different man who is now falling for her, she's in the awkward position of liking him but not wanting to lead him on, of loving her husband but being angry with him for toying with her. Suffice it to say, men are not on her top list of gender preferences right now.

And she's living with me. Lovely combination.

She has a theory that America is in an epidemic. "I've never had a boyfriend who wasn't addicted to or at least looked at porn. And every man in our group of friends back home struggles with porn. Christian or non-Christian. All my boyfriends did."

"What?!" I said incredulous. "I don't think I've even had a boyfriend who looked at porn."

"What?!" she said incredulous. "You never caught one of them looking at it?"

"No!" We sat staring aghast at one another.

So I called one of my ex-boyfriends.

"Do you think most men look at porn?" I inquired, daring him to contradict me.

"Yeah."

"What?!"

My roommate looked at me wide eyed with a hint of smirk on her lips.

"Well, if you consider 51% a majority, I'd say yes," he explained.

"What if I consider 80% a majority?"

"Well..."

"Still Ann," my roommate popped in, "51% is still one in two people! Even those odds are atrocious."

So I recounted to my ex-boyfriend her theory and my defense of men. "Do you think some of my ex-boyfriends look at porn?"

"Yeah."

I am so naive.

We hung up the phone. How depressing. Men are addicted to sex. It's crazy. Isn't it possible to love and treat with utmost or at least mild sacredness a man and a woman's sexual relationship? Geez guys. Get a grip. They're just boobs.

My exboyfriend texted me.

"I think the issue lies more with lust than porn," he wrote. "Porn is just one of the many manifestations of lust."

Fucking fantastic.

After a good two hours of processing this and analyzing which of my ex-boyfriends looked at porn online or on the potty, I sat quietly defeated on the couch with my cat sprawled across my lap. "This sucks."

"It's obvious women are better," my roommate concluded.

"Yeah," I agreed. "And whoever said God was a man ought to be shot."